“In the night, a sleeping figure lies trapped in a dark, nightmare world existing on the edge of sleep. Strange demons, repressed hurts and childhood fears range freely. […] This is a lonesome place, far from help and comfort. Shadows of pain, suffering and depression overwhelm the sleeper until she becomes a victim of her own thoughts and, like a martyr, repeatedly impales herself on their hurtful points. […] The only way she can escape from these nightmares… is to open her eyes and awaken to what is really bothering her. She must confront it in broad daylight…. The alternative is torment.”
What is the strength of your dedication?
“Nines, because they are the final single digits of our number system, represent completion and finality. They are the culmination, the summing up of the sequence of numbers. Nine is a magical number of the Moon Goddess and relates to the wisdom of the Crone (or Hermit) in the Tarot…The Nine of Swords represents a ghastly nightmare, the rising up from the unconscious of all the fears and projections the mind has made during its process of thought. Worry and anguish have become overwhelming terror, an experience of despair and even cruelty or physical pain. All the unchecked fears and negative thoughts have accumulated to form what Jungians call ‘the Shadow.’ These fears may stem from childhood traumas, repressed hurts and wounds from anytime in life, or images projected by the culture one lives in. The twisting path shows the morass of confusion surrounding the issues that cause doubt and fear, the sense of difficulty as one awakens to this mess of anxiety and ‘demons.’ The rising up of this Shadow may keep a person from sleeping or give her physical symptoms of illness. Although demons come from the unconscious, they can be fought by conscious intention. Part of the personality cowers in terror, hands covering her eyes, refusing to look at or deal with the problem, immobilized by fear. The other part of the self rises up in strength and confidence–ready to confront the Shadow. Power flames from the sword that appears in front of the heroic part of the personality, which reaches out with her right hand to grasp this tool of liberation. The only way out is through the pain and fear, through a confrontation with one’s monsters” (Motherpeace 186-7).
(no action is the danger here)
"Pain is of life. To reject it is to reject life itself."~ Havelock Ellis 1859-1939
"The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." ~ Carlos Castaneda 1925-1998